Ms. Gay at San Isidro

Last night, I and my cousin attended the Sunday mass at 7 o'clock. When we walked home, somebody was calling my name. First, I just heard, "Earn" and it was followed by "James". Since I could not recognize the person who was calling me, we just went on and don't mind him. When we were already away from the gasoline store where I've heard my name that voiced out from the group of young boys, I had heard again my name; he shouted my complete name "James Earn". When we turned back, I finally knew the person; he was Pablo (Pau in gaylingo). He was wearing a black tube-skirt.

I wondered why he had called me up. I thought, he was so angry since I jammed with him for the past night and found me run away with Mateet (a new gay I've knew that night). I would not supposedly talk to him though he had called me, instead, I thought, it would be the first way to heal our disagreement. So, I walked back toward him.

"What a sexy (blacky) body!"

"Earn, don't forget to watch the Ms Gay this night."

"Ha? There'll be a Ms. Gay Competition?"

"Yup, I hope you'd come and watch me."

"Ok, I'll be there."

When we leaved, we acted such vomit-taking gossips. "He is expecting that you will trust him again," told my cousin.

I went home. I ate my dinner. It was a little bit, 'walang ganang kumain'.

"Will he join the contest, too?" I thought of someone I've knew.

Instead of going to watch the contest, I was trapped and stranded. I and friends from Talakop and Manguiring drunk at my cousin's house. They are my new friends. Although I still had my friends here in Calabanga (specifically from San Isidro, Intramuros, Centro, etc.), I do not jammed with them as free as I did last year because of the terrible past. I could not avoid to drink moderately since I wanted to finish it before the pageant ended.

It was near 11:30, I got the last shot. They went home but I still watched the pageant even though I felt weak and seems going to rest.

When I arrived, the talent competition was about to end. I saw some of my friends but I joined with Edison and Jomar who were with their girls.

"He's here," Edison told me.

We saw Mitch (gay also who was about to take the next scene with me if he did not found out I was the ex of his friend).

"Didn't you join the contest?" I asked him.

"I am not interested anymore in such pageant." Then, he added. "Michael is here."

Then he left.

After flirting with pokkers who were standing beside us, I and Edison planned to go near the place where the contestants were busy for the preparation. There I saw Jr (living at Bigaas), Gwen, Michael, Jopay (a former classmate in High School), and other gay I knew (not on their names). I also saw some of the gays who were acted as assisstants: Nana Ambet, Forty-one; and some gays I newly knew.

Before the announcement of top 6, Michael had told me to jam with them after the pageant. I gave him an assurance. I felt I was showering my support (hahahaha!) Since he failed to be selected as one of the top 6 finalists, they decided to leave. He told me to kissed him but I refused.

We went to VHI videoke bar. They heard Pablo's fave song. When we came in, I saw him and he was actually the man who was singing. (Like Michael, he failed too.) I did not knew what to do. I thought, he would get angry again since he told me to jam with him after the pageant yet I was gone with other gays. He left the place with, I thought, hatred.

We sit at the blocked chair along the road, between the Danga and VHI. I always asked about the time since I have to be at home before the dawn. He got upset because I acted like a child who wanted to go home that 12:30am.

"Aakian mo pa ngani ako!" he told.

I got angry when he told me those words. It reminded me of the last experience I had with gay.

"No. Now, it's off limit!" telling him while signing a cross at my cock. “…since I still had a bad memory."

"I want to jam only, without a sex. If you don't want, then I've to go home."
"Then he told me, "Ok, go home."

Again, I came on contemplating that when gays jammed with boys, they always wanted that something should happen after it.

I was about to sleep on my restless body when I had received a message from him. "Take care, thanks."

Then I responded the reason why I now hated to jam with gays. Then, he drawn back that he was just joking. But for me, it was not a nice joke since I had it as a trauma. He called on my phone. We were so noisy at the 'terasa'. My mother awakened. Then, I told them to wait me across the chapel.

We walked back to Centro. Since I felt very restless, I vomited. I was at my drunken stupors. When we arrived, no one the park so I thought, I was free to roam there. We went at the Bar I have known since I started being a callboy. (Joke!)

There I found Jr, drinking with his friends who were those pokers I had seen at the VHI Bar. We went in. When Michael left, he told me to jam with them and drank. (Pokers left outside.)

"I could not drink anymore, (massaging my stomach). I could not take it anymore.''

He responded, "I don't care."

So, I had nothing to do but to take the risk anyway, I can still. I had seen Pablo with Ariel. I thought something would go wrong. Pablo went outside and whispered at one of the pokers.

When I was beside Jr, after taking my shot, the poker had slapped me on my right cheek near my lips. I was shocked. I was not expecting a poker I doesn't know yet would slap me up. I stood up and scolded her. I faced her. I placed my lips near hers, acting to kiss her (but I won't).

"How dare you to slap me!"

"I was told to do it… Pablo had told me to slap you."

Then I saw him with his insulting smile.

Edison told me to go outside. Michael was there. He bought burger and a bottle of cold tea. Being upset of what the poker did, I ate it with so much full-blooding hatred. Michael finally knew what had happen. He stood up, leaving me outside, to face Pablo. I felt too much shame since I knew the owner of the said Bar.

He scolded Pablo, but he refused to tell the truth. He came back outside and told other gays, "How dare him to tell anyone to slap my boyfriend!"

"Better if he tell the girl to kiss him, (laughing)" he added.

Then, Jr had transferred their table and continued drinking outside the Bar. He was also angry since at the middle of the issue was his friend. Somebody had told me that the poker gave her apologize to Michael. Then, he (Jr) got inside and told Pablo to clear the issue.

They came out. I was so terrified and ashamed. I was terrified because it might lead to a war between him and Michael. Ashamed because, Jean Marvi will know what was my 'rakets'. She knew me clean and very admiring since we were in elementary.

"Hey! Don't you know, before you, Earn had a relationship with Aye (Ariel, who was outside that time)? Then, I was the next."

I broke the scene, "…'cause, you betray him." I was just laughing so that I would not feel any guilt.

Then I whispered to Michael.

Pablo had kept on nagging me. Actually, while telling something about our past, enumerating my past experiences with gays, he was hurting me with his hand as I beat my drunken stomach.

"Stop! Then, when you were in Manila, he had a relationship with Mateet." He stood up. "Don't tell me Earn, you will deny it."

"That is what I am telling you, bad memory," said I.

"Yes," Pablo added, "he had sex with Mateet."

"But the fact is, I did it because I want to run away from you."

We were like a debate. The crowd reacted everytime they had heard something from ours.

"Now, you're anry because I run away from you that time." I stood up and walked inside the bar, "Useless."

He walked after me. And it seems that he would go to beat me. So, I walked outside and he sit back on the table together with Ariel and company.

I have heard so many rumors.

''Yan kaya, ang mga lalaki."

"Iba talaga ang masiram."

And so on…

After that, the atmosphere did not go calm. The lesly, who was with the pokers, went inside and talked to Pablo. I thought, everyhting would go wrong and more terrible. So, I decided to leave the place.

We went to the park. After a while, Edison, Jomar, Mitch and (I don’t know), came.

Then, we go to the Market to rest at the abandoned resthouse. After an hour, we left.

Finally, we had gone apart. I went home.